I’ve personally put together a list of the best vegan jokes that validate us, as well as anti vegan jokes to say to your friend making fun: “Heard that one already.”
Veganism can be serious business, but it’s good to laugh at ourselves sometimes. Whether you’re a long-term vegan or just dabbling with the vegetables, here are some classic vegan jokes that never get old.
🌱 Best Vegan Jokes
1. How many omnivores to screw in a lightbulb?
Q: How many omnivores does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they prefer to stay in the dark
2. How many vegans to screw in a lightbulb?
Q: How many vegans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One to change the bulb, and 2 to argue whether or not light bulbs are vegan.
3. Vegan zombie
Q: What does a vegan zombie say?
A: Grains!
4. Vegans and chicken
Q: Why don’t vegans eat chicken?
A: Cause they contain eggs
5. Vegans and religion
Q: What the most common vegan religious belief?
A: Seitanism
6. How to keep dairy fresh
Q: How do you keep dairy fresh?
A: Keep it in the cow!
7. Veganism changed her
Q: She’s changed since she went vegan…
A: It’s like I’ve never seen herbivore.
8. Peaceful vegans
Q: Why are vegans so peaceful?
A: They never want beef.
9. Favourite exercise
Q: My favorite exercise?
A: Running out of tofu.
10. The blushing tomato
Q: Why did the tomato blush?
A: It saw the salad dressing!
11. Favourite horror movie
Q: What’s a vegan’s favorite horror movie?
A: Silence of the Yams.
(I think this is my favourite one)
12: Vegan restaurant slogan:
“We’ve got beef… with beef.”
Bonus: Plant dad joke alert!
Q: Why did the vegan stop arguing?
A: They decided to squash the beef and lettuce move on.
🥩 Best Anti-Vegan Jokes (and How to Reply)
Now that the corny vegan jokes are out of the way (put intended), let’s look at a few anti-vegan jokes you’ve probably heard before — and how to keep your cool when they come up.
1. How do you know if someone’s vegan
Q: How do you know you’ve met a vegan?
A: Eventually they’ll tell you
Comeback: “Yeah well they’re usually too busy saving the planet”.
2. Vegetarian old meaning
Vegetarian is an old Indian word for bad hunter.
3. What vegans eat?
Q: What do vegans eat?
A: What everyone else’s food eats
4. How many vegans to change a lightbulb?
Q: How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Dont worry, they’ll tell you.
5. Food chain
I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be vegetarian.
Comeback: “You didn’t actually fight your way anywhere.”
6. Mistake
Being vegan is a huge missed steak.
Comeback: “Quite literally”.
7. Medium rare
I told my non-vegan friend I loved animals. He said, “Me too – medium rare.”
Comeback: “I mean, that’s just dark.”
8. Veg cruelty
Trillions of plants are killed for vegan consumption, end vegetable cruelty.
Pro tip: You know the best way to handle anti-vegan jokes? Laugh along.
When humour meets humility, it disarms criticism faster than any debate.
Encourage conversation and curiosity rather than animosity, and then who knows – you might open the door to influencing them to try a meat free Monday sometime.
Why Laughing Matters
Humour bridges the gap between communities: whether you’re vegan or not. Sharing a laugh helps show that compassion doesn’t mean you’re 100% serious all the time. Besides, it’s a great icebreaker for those awkward moments to keep the convo light, despite differing values.
Final Thoughts
This post was just for a bit of fun — every joke’s about everybody and everything, and sometimes it’s good to laugh along with them. Not everything should always be so serious; vegans should also have a sense of humour.
Whether you laughed with the vegans or at them, I hope this post brightened your day – and perhaps even gave you a few comebacks for your next dinner debate.
If you liked this post be sure to share it with a vegan (or non vegan) mate.
