Last updated: Saturday, 29th August 2026
Let’s be honest, vegans get a lot of s****. But no one’s got time to be that serious all the time.
Here are some of the best vegan jokes that never get old, and the comebacks to match.
What are the best vegan jokes?
1. How many omnivores to screw in a lightbulb?
Q: How many omnivores does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they prefer to stay in the dark
2. How many vegans to screw in a lightbulb?
Q: How many vegans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One to change the bulb, and 2 to argue whether or not light bulbs are vegan.
3. Vegan zombie
Q: What does a vegan zombie say?
A: Grains!
4. Vegans and chicken
Q: Why don’t vegans eat chicken?
A: Cause they contain eggs
5. Vegans and religion
Q: What the most common vegan religious belief?
A: Seitanism
6. How to keep dairy fresh
Q: How do you keep dairy fresh?
A: Keep it in the cow!
7. Veganism changed her
Q: She’s changed since she went vegan…
A: It’s like I’ve never seen herbivore.
8. Peaceful vegans
Q: Why are vegans so peaceful?
A: They never want beef.
9. Favourite exercise
Q: My favorite exercise?
A: Running out of tofu.
10. The blushing tomato
Q: Why did the tomato blush?
A: It saw the salad dressing!
11. Favourite horror movie
Q: What’s a vegan’s favorite horror movie?
A: Silence of the Yams.
(I think this is my favourite one)
12: Vegan restaurant slogan:
“We’ve got beef… with beef.”
Bonus: Plant dad joke alert!
Q: Why did the vegan stop arguing?
A: They decided to squash the beef and lettuce move on.
The best vegan dad jokes
Now a few to make you cringe.
1. Tofu under pressure
Q: I asked my tofu if it was ready.
A: It said give it a minute – it’s going through a pressing time.
2. Seitan the troublemaker
Q: Why did I stop arguing about seitan?
A: There’s no winning – it’s a gluten for punishment.
3. Oat-tension
Q: Why was the oat milk so quiet at breakfast?
A: It had a lot of bottled-up oat-tension.
4. The lentil that wouldn’t leave
Q: Why did the lentil stay in the soup?
A: It was in too deep – a proper dal-emma.
5. Show-off tofu
Q: What do you call tofu that keeps flexing at the gym?
A: Extra firm.
6. Loose-lipped oat milk
Q: Why can’t you trust oat milk with a secret?
A: Tell the carton one thing and the whole lot spills out.
What’s a good herbivore joke?
“Herbivore” is basically begging to be punned, so we had to.
1. Never seen herbivore
Q: She’s changed since going vegan…
A: Honestly, it’s like I’ve never seen herbivore.
2. Herbivore playlist
Q: What’s a herbivore’s favourite kind of music?
A: Anything with a good beet.
3. The calmest eater at the table
Q: Why are herbivores so easy-going?
A: They’ve genuinely got no beef with anyone.
What are the best anti-vegan jokes? And how would you respond?
Now that the corny vegan jokes are out of the way (put intended), let’s look at a few anti-vegan jokes you’ve probably heard before — and how to keep your cool when they come up.
1. How do you know if someone’s vegan
Q: How do you know you’ve met a vegan?
A: Eventually they’ll tell you
Comeback: “I mean yeah, but still vegan tho”.
2. Vegetarian old meaning
Vegetarian is an old Indian word for bad hunter.
3. What vegans eat?
Q: What do vegans eat?
A: What everyone else’s food eats
4. How many vegans to change a lightbulb?
Q: How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.
5. Food chain
I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be vegetarian.
Comeback: “I mean sure but we got supermarkets now”
6. Mistake
Being vegan is a huge missed steak.
Comeback: “Quite literally”.
7. Medium rare
I told my non-vegan friend I loved animals. He said, “Me too.. medium rare.”
Comeback: “I mean, that’s just dark.”
8. Veg cruelty
Trillions of plants are killed for vegan consumption, end vegetable cruelty.
Pro tip: You know the best way to handle anti-vegan jokes? Laugh along.
Best Anti-Vegan Jokes (and how to reply)
Now that the corny vegan jokes are out of the way (put intended), let’s look at a few anti-vegan jokes you’ve probably heard before — and how to keep your cool when they come up.
1. How do you know if someone’s vegan
Q: How do you know you’ve met a vegan?
A: Eventually they’ll tell you
Comeback: “Yeah well they’re usually too busy saving the planet”.
2. Vegetarian old meaning
Vegetarian is an old Indian word for bad hunter.
3. What vegans eat?
Q: What do vegans eat?
A: What everyone else’s food eats
4. How many vegans to change a lightbulb?
Q: How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Dont worry, they’ll tell you.
5. Food chain
I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be vegetarian.
Comeback: “You didn’t actually fight your way anywhere.”
6. Mistake
Being vegan is a huge missed steak.
Comeback: “Quite literally”.
7. Medium rare
I told my non-vegan friend I loved animals. He said, “Me too – medium rare.”
Comeback: “I mean, that’s just dark.”
8. Veg cruelty
Trillions of plants are killed for vegan consumption, end vegetable cruelty.
Best jokes about vegetarians
These ones are dedicated to the vegetarians.
1. A horror classic
Q: What’s a vegetarian’s least favourite film?
A: The Silence of the Lamb Chops.
2. Proving a point
Q: Why did the vegetarian cross the road?
A: To prove they weren’t chicken.
3. Not that deep
Q: My mate said going vegetarian was a huge commitment?
A: It’s really not that deep – you’re just cutting out the middle-moo.
4. Barbecue energy
Q: What did the vegetarian bring to the barbecue?
A: Themselves, three kinds of halloumi, and a lot of opinions about the sides.
5. Beef with no beef
Q: Why did the vegetarian and the vegan fall out?
A: Too much beef – ironically, none of it real.
Comeback kings: meat eater jokes
Fair’s fair – if vegans can take a joke, we can lob a few back. These meat eater jokes are all affectionate ribbing, though; the point is the laugh, not the lecture. Nobody’s a bad person for what’s on their plate.
1. Lost at the buffet
Q: Why did the meat eater bring a map to the buffet?
A: They kept getting lost on the way to the vegetables.
2. The eternal defence
Q: What’s a meat eater’s favourite debating point?
A: “But bacon.” It’s always “but bacon.”
3. Finding the vegan option
Q: How many meat eaters does it take to find the vegan option?
A: All of them – and they’ll still order the chicken.
4. Baby steps
Q: My mate swore he could never go vegan?
A: Then he demolished three bean burritos without noticing.
5. A grudging review
Q: What did my uncle say after his first proper vegan meal?
A: A long pause, then: “…okay, I’ll allow it.”
6. Trust issues
Q: Why doesn’t the meat eater trust salad?
A: He’s convinced it’s planning something.
Funny vegan sayings
Some vegan one liners for you, with play on words.
1. Turnip the beet
Lettuce turnip the beet.
2. Peas and love
Peas and love – that’s the whole philosophy.
3. A big dill
This is kind of a big dill.
What are the best vegan puns?
We’ve been sprinkling these through the whole post, so here they all are in one place.
1. Turnip the beet
Lettuce turnip the beet.
2. Chickpeas in a pod
We go together like chickpeas in a pod.
3. The zest thing
You’re the zest thing that ever happened to me.
4. Tofu cardio
Running out of tofu is my cardio.
5. Silence of the Yams
Silence of the Yams.
6. Lettuce move on
Squash the beef and lettuce move on.
7. Moo-free morning
Oat milk: the moo-free morning glow-up.
8. Gluten for punishment
Seitan – the gluten for punishment.
9. Big dill
I’m a big dill and I know it.
Pro tip: You know the best way to handle anti-vegan jokes? Laugh along.
When humour meets humility, it disarms criticism faster than any debate.
Encourage conversation and curiosity rather than animosity, and then who knows – you might open the door to influencing them to try a meat free Monday.
Why Laughing Matters
There’s no need to be 100% serious all the time. Besides, it’s a great icebreaker for those awkward moments to keep the convo light, despite differing values.
Vegan humour has a genre of its own, and you’ve gotta admit some of these jokes are funny.
Final Thoughts
This post was just for a bit of fun – every joke’s about everybody and everything, and sometimes it’s good to laugh along with them. Not everything should always be so serious; vegans should also have a sense of humour.
Whether you laughed with the vegans or at them, I hope this post brightened your day, hopefully you’ll leave with some ammo or a few comebacks for your next dinner debate.
